In the moment

Yesterday morning I had planned to run with sme of my teammates. We were assigned an easy 50 minute run, a nice cap to a hard week. I woke up at 6:30, as always, and stumbled downstairs to watch TV until our 10:00 rendezvous. There was a lot on my mind as I mindlessly watched the Magic Bullet infomercial, putting off thinking about some of the things that had been weighing on me. At 9:15 I got a call canceling our run because of conflicts, and suddenly I had absolutely no structure. Structure is how I run, how I train. I decide what I'm going to do hours if not days in advance. I have specific routes that I could run with my eyes closed and exact miles and times that I'm used to running, but in that instant I had absolutely no plan. It was... liberating. I quickly put on my typical running clothes, complete with my favorite cut muscle tee, and proceeded to stand in my kitchen with a vacant expression, attempting to decide where to run. Sunlight poured in from outside, bouncing off the red walls and warming everything it touched. I felt so tranquil in that moment, undecided about my run but enjoying just the feeling of the light. Then it dawned on me: Why shouldn't I hold on to this feeling and just run? I didn't need a destination, I could just decide as I went, follow my curiosity, embrace the freedom running gives me. With that, I was out the door and pounding the pavement. One foot followed the other as I ran down street after street, taking turns I'd never taken before, plodding through park and past beautiful houses. I'd decide on a direction and destination, reach it, and move on to the next. It was a playful run, not confined by speed or time or distance, only dictated by my own whims and willingness to keep going. Fifty minutes came and went and I was still running. There was no way I'd even be home in sixty; I was very far from home. Embracing this predicament I just kept running in the general direction of my house but continued to take whichever turns suited my fancy. I wasn't thinking about anything. This run was meant to clear my head, not confuse it. Upon reaching my driveway I had clarity and it felt like I'd left worry on the side of the road four miles back. I mapped my run and found I'd gone much farther and faster than I'd planned. 9 miles in less than 75 minutes was a respectable run for not having been planned. This was so atypical of me. My type A ways usually shut down relaxed disorganization, but I think it's important to remmember that we need to let ourselves go every now and then. Break the rules and expectations we've placed on ourselves and just enjoy the moment. This run did that for me. It reminded me that not every day has to be focused on performance-- sometimes it's best just to run for the sake of running and do what feels good in the moment.